I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
