Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
