Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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