and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
