Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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