You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
