the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
