You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
