Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
As shirtless as possible
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
