hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
