Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
