Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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