I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
