i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
