i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
