so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
