I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize