So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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