im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
