Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
