Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
