So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
