my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
