Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
