I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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