So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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