He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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