explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
