it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found puke in my bra..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize