well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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