I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize