you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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