The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
