hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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