umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
