i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
