I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
