Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize