do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
