Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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