the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
