my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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