I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
