based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
