It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
