My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
where does the pee come out of this thing
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
