would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
