He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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