Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
