You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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