that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
