i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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