Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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