Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
