Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
