My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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