Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
