What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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