He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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