Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
