After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
